Solve your own problems first

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If you’re not OK, you’re not going to be of use to those around you.

The temptation is there within us to jump in and fix other people who we think need fixing, but this is not required, especially if we are struggling ourselves.

On an aeroplane, we are told to put our own oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else. It’s for the same reason.

This principle is easy to read but can be difficult to put into practice.

Set your life plans up to fix the things that you find difficult, then see if you can help others through your learnings.

The case for making notes

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I started writing in early 2020 in simple lined notebooks as a way of straightening out my thinking. By June of that year I had started my fifth book.

There was a lot coming out. I was 48 years old. Life was a struggle. I couldn’t seem to make anything stick.

I had been working on my own small business for about 4 years. It was making money and a small team was supporting me but there was little satisfaction coming from the work I was putting in.

The writing stopped me in my tracks.

From my writing, I could see that things had to change. I could map out ideas for the future, make sense of the lack of fun, the lack of progress, and the breakdown in my self-belief.

It did a couple of important things that I needed at the time – it put it all there in front of me, and it set me on a new path.

One of the by-products of continually writing these notes has been the ability to revisit them. The progress I’ve made since those dark days is clear.

I took time to listen to what was going on inside myself, and being real about my attitude to life. I hadn’t done this before, and I’m glad I began to. It’s unlocked much more than I thought it would.

The words I wrote are hard to look back on but they needed to be said. I had to have this kind of talk to myself, being honest about where my life was at.

It all came out on the page once I committed to the process, the practice, of writing things out.

When I think back on how powerful a tool it has been (and still is), it’s up there with the best things that I’ve ever done for myself.

Find someone to learn from

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Assume this is NOT the person.

It doesn’t have to be Oprah or any shining light with a life nailed down.

It can be someone who works closely to you and does work that you admire.

It can be someone you spend time with, and the way they communicate is a skill you’d like to emulate.

It can be a relationship that works formally or informally.

The person leading can be in a position of power, but can just as easily be a peer.

If the example they set suits the path you want to take, there’s some value there.

Choose your friends with care

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Was at a cafe this morning with my wife and the dog. A guy who works in the same industry as my wife showed up, and he began talking about their ‘shared’ challenges.

He complained of a lack of time, about having too many things to do, and that he doesn’t see an end to this in his business. He was complaining about how busy he is while also mentioning his upcoming three week vacation (how fabulous?!) that was stressing him out…

I asked if he has a target to aim for, an end point for his business, and he shrugged his shoulders to express that he doesn’t, while looking at my wife to join him in agreeing this is always the way in their world.

It was a sixty second encounter but it spoke volumes.

Unless he begins to think differently, it will never end. His first world problems were not uncommon to ‘busy professionals’, but his level of relative misery was crying out for company. I’m sure he finds it often.

Surround yourself with people who hold you to a plan. Who lift you rather than drain you. Who you aspire to learn from and spend time with. Who help you get the best out of your life each day and cheerlead for you constantly.

The rest? Move on from them. Don’t get dragged down to their level.

They’re looking for people who agree with their outlook on life. People who validate their way of operating and share the same perceived challenges as they do.

If you’re on a down day, maybe you’ll feel like agreeing with them. Assume this isn’t going to work out well for you over the long term.

You’ll be keeping misery company soon enough, like two alcoholics propping up a bar, and it’ll become harder and harder to show it the door.

Nothing beats calm

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NSW coastline

Yoga, meditation, or breathwork maybe?

It could be yin in the evenings, yang in the mornings.

Time to read. Quiet, alone time.

Writing time first thing in the morning or last thing at night.

It all matters.

It all adds to your spiritual bank balance (rather than taking away from it).

Nothing beats it.

Three short lines to ponder on

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“If not me, who?

If not now, when?

If not here, where?”

I didn’t make these lines up, and I don’t know who did, but they are amazing.

Get out of your head and into your body by walking or doing some other kind of movement, and process these words as you go.

Write a few lines of your own when you’re done. See what pops up.

We were always ok

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Before we knew who we were, or questioned anything about our life, we were good enough.

We were always good enough.

The things we learn as we get older, and the things we are told are wrong with us, blind us from this simple fact.

We were always ok.

Don’t let the stuff that comes up in our life take away what we were as children.

That innocence. That thrill for the new. The energy and excitement. The smiles.

When bad things happen, or you doubt yourself, remember this.

Let no one take this away from you.

Get in a group

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Surround yourself with positive people and the right kind of influences.

The ones that take you somewhere new, to a different level.

The ones who lift you when you’re feeling down.

Loneliness can be a powerful force, dampening many dreams.

It takes effort on your part to join a group, especially if you’re an introvert, but the more groups that you’re part of, the lower the likelihood you’ll find yourself alone.

Book groups, study groups, sports teams and clubs, school groups, work social committees – there are plenty to choose from.

Get involved.

From these groups long-lasting friendships will form and develop over time.

You’ll go further, faster, surrounded by the right people.

Be nice to people

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Fresh muffins

Be nice to people, whoever they are and whatever they do.

Do it genuinely.

There is zero to gain from thinking, speaking, or saying bad stuff to, or about, other people.

We all have our own stuff to deal with that makes us imperfect, so until we are perfect (and we know that’s never happening) we have no right to pick holes in others.

Even if it only shows in a subtle way, or in our thoughts, cut it out.

How people react to us is up to them. They day they’ve had, or are having, is unknown to us. Don’t take any of it personally.

Self belief: overcoming mental obstacles by making choices

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One day we see the world as rosy, the next it can be nothing but problems.

We can write ourselves off, with our brains giving us no chance to succeed.

It takes self belief. The ability to decide and act is all on us.

The ability to override our brains is also on us.

It’s a choice.

All we are is the product of our choices.

“If you chase two rabbits…”

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“… you will not catch either one.”

This is a Russian proverb from the front cover of ‘The One Thing’ by Keller and Papasan.

Read it, think about it, read it again, and use it. There’s great power inside its pages.

The power of taking on difficult challenges

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I ran 31km yesterday as training for the Sydney marathon (49 days to go). It was a miserable day; cold, wet, and windy – very un-Sydney-like.

I had three and a half hours to think about why we should all push ourselves to do difficult things.

When we take on tough tasks, we grow stronger in our minds. The muscle grows the more we challenge it.

Doing hard things also makes us feel more sure of ourselves. We prove that we can overcome obstacles, making us more confident in other areas of life.

Mental toughness increases. These long runs are small victories on the path to the big day in front of large crowds on the streets of the city. I know I can do it on the day if I’ve put the work in week to week – it all compounds.

Want to set your own challenges? Start small and work your way up. Set clear goals and keep track of your progress. Remember, the hardest things often bring the best rewards in the end.

Disconnect to create: get away from the internet

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I’m creating a dumb laptop, connected to nothing, that I can write and journal on. It’s solely for writing, to be used anywhere I want to take it.

Writing will be done with no distractions or temptations from the rest of the online world.

I will have to use a USB drive to transfer files to Obsidian or elsewhere, but having a dumb device is the way to focus.

My phone has been placed inside a faraday bag for most of the last two hours. I’ve not pulled it out or been tempted to once. It’s forgotten when it’s not looking at you.

This is the way it works. The notifications, the bright screens, the dings, pings, and the vibrations in your pocket – it’s a conspiracy against our ability to focus, to deliver our best work, to ship.

A shiny phone you spend your life caring about more than the humans who live and breathe around you is reducing your ability to create, evolve, grow, and become more than you were yesterday.

Take it away for a few minutes, hours, and even days, and watch what happens to your life in the process. Start with a faraday bag, maybe, and see what you come up with.

Pick a thing and do it

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To-do lists are killers. We pile up task after task, creating this list that never ends.

Ever created a list with just a couple of things on it, like a shopping list of stuff you pick up from the store? The satisfaction when you tick everything off is a dopamine hit.

When we make a massive list, never getting to the end of it, we never get that hit. The nervousness builds knowing we have a pile of stuff that’s growing instead of reducing.

I try and get three things done a day. I get the biggest thing done first, and then the next biggest, and so on. If I clear the three things, I’ve achieved something small but normally meaningful to me based on what I have on my plate.

I have a long to-do list, but I see it more as a stockpile of possibles for my three task list that I attack every day. This way, the stress is reduced. I know I’m ok if those three things are done. Tomorrow is another day to attack the rest.

Adelaide

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A couple of photos from the Art Gallery of South Australia, taken this last weekend.

There were multiple Rodin sculptures.
One of Chris Ofili’s. The Seven Deadly Sins.
Up close, a beautiful painting.
The three shades, Rodin.
Jeune fille, by Marie Laurencin, one of my favourites.
Pissarro.
Antartica, by Sidney Nolan.
The Argument, Prenestina, by Jeffrey Smart.
Didn’t catch the artist. It’s a view of Sydney Harbour Bridge in the late 1800s.
Such a great space. Be sure to stop by if you visit Adelaide.

Shift that first thought

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I don’t know why the reaction to anything is usually a negative one before a positive.

Maybe a cute baby gets a smile, or you see someone you know and like, and the safe feeling you associate with them makes you smile. These are times when there’s no downside, no bad feeling.

At work, that first thought is often one of negativity. It’s a battle to turn on the ‘can-do’ mindset, offering to help and solve a problem rather than highlight one. The questions come to the surface – why this, what that, why me???

I know it’s a choice in most cases – a choice to accept the bad thoughts and feelings.

Those times when I decide not to accept the bad and take the chance saying yes frequently lead to something good.

And, even if the immediate reward isn’t clear, there’s normally some kind of silver lining a little further into the future based on those good intentions being made real.

The planets align somehow. Don’t ask me how or why, but we’ve all had instances of these happy accidents.

For some, this is the norm. Why can’t it be for us, too?

The third goal

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Cruyff speaks, we listen.

The third goal yesterday was a stand out moment for our football team.

I’ve been banging on about putting passes together, keeping the ball. The clock was ticking. It looked like we would miss out on the points again. The final substitutions had been made.

We got the break from a 50/50 challenge in the middle of the pitch and the ball suddenly started moving from back to front, one player to another to another, then finally at our striker’s feet.

She swings a big right foot at it and the net bulges. It was never missing.

I was pleased and proud of what just happened because the simplicity of the move made it so effective.

There was nothing fancy. The ball just went from player to player in maybe five passes max, and the finish was excellent, but it all came from passes.

The whole game is about making passes – executing on the most basic of skills. The team that does it the most wins most of the time.

The work will carry on. The weeks we play badly will be when we don’t execute on our plans and the frustration mounts as mistakes take over.

But when that plan comes together and the ball hits the back of the net at the end of a move as sweet as the one we delivered yesterday, there will be no frustration. We’ll be winning.

There is life beyond the scroll

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Attempting to white-knuckle the task of beating the algorithms to stop or slow down your use of social media is doomed to failure.

The facts are clear if you think about it.

These mammoth tech businesses have armies of the brightest minds working against you as their business model.

Their job is to hijack your attention and keep you coming back for more, over and over again. And they do it so well.

The attention on Instagram, for example, and the seemingly non-stop growth of that attention, transcending age, gender, and social barriers, is off the chain.

Willpower alone is not enough. The algorithms are too strong, too smart, too skilled at keeping you fixated. Our psychological weaknesses as humans are being exploited.

To overcome the alogorithms and move on with a full life, cut them out.

Delete the apps from your device to eliminate that instant fix from your phone.

Reclaim that 2 to 5 to 15 to 50 minute block that you’d spend scrolling inside the app, using it for something practical instead.

Challenge yourself to make this change work. Your mental health and your ability to be productive will thank you later.

Write on your blog

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No one cares if it’s hard. It doesn’t matter. Just get it done.

What’s the point in having one if you don’t use it? It’s like having a bike and never riding it.

If you’re not adding to it, it just sits there. Everyone can see it’s empty.

Deep down, you know you should be writing. It bugs you. It’ll eat away at you.

You’ve got two choices: keep it and use it, or kill it.

One or the other.

The reader’s dilemma

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I picked up a book on Sunday that had been on the shelf for a few months. I had started to read it but something else took my attention. I put it to one side.

I couldn’t remember much about the contents. It was a book about writing by a writer so there wasn’t much of a mystery to solve.

I read it for a few minutes on Sunday night. It wasn’t pulling me in. I picked up again last night for another go, but the reason I put it down instantly became clear.

I didn’t like it. I couldn’t get on with it. The way it’s written, the types of examples the author uses (all about himself), even the font size left me feeling empty.

Something I find time to do because I enjoy it wasn’t enjoyable.

The minute this happens, it’s worth stepping away. The book will be removed from the shelves, taken to the charity store. I don’t want it anywhere in the house.

Life’s to short to spend time doing something for fun, like reading, using your precious free time, and not enjoying it.

Put it down, find another book from the pile, and take a different journey.