Sadness and differences

I had some terrible news yesterday. A large part of my life is gone.

Basic life fundamentals will now change. There will be anger, fighting, accusations, and more. I’ve worked on myself to keep my life on track and live to higher standards but it hasn’t worked out.

I’m devastated. Where once there was love, care and respect, there’s now rejection and distrust. Hurtful words are being thrown around.

Some people are built to last. They are mentally strong and resilient in the face of difficult times. They create plans and act on them.

They still have high levels of sensitivity. Anxiety plagues them but they do their best. Their life has meaning.

Others come from another place. They lack purpose and the desire to dig deep. Their ego overtakes their soul. They won’t do what it takes to change and instead run for the hills.

They’re desparate to keep up appearances. They look for the safe, the shallow. They forget the things that matter. There’s always someone else to blame.

I know where I’m at on this line from A to B. I can live with that in the face of what’s ahead for me.

As for the others? That’s no longer on my plate and that makes me sad.

Munich

I had a few days in Munich back in July, travelling home from the UK.

Love this photo – the straight lines up into the sky. Germany’s rough around the edges but things get done. The place seems to be in motion. I enjoyed it and would like to have a longer holiday there one day.

I’ll share some more photos another time.

The power of preparation

Think of preparation as your personal success code. When you’re prepared, fear dissolves because there are no surprises. It’s like having a roadmap for a road trip. You know exactly where you’re going.

Here’s what happens. Preparation builds confidence, and confidence always beats fear. Consider a job interview. Research the company and practice your answers and walk in calm and collected. The unprepared candidate? They’re sweating bullets.

Doubt keeps us from discovering our true potential. It whispers ‘what if you fail?’ But when you’re prepared, that voice gets quieter. You’ve done the work, so you know you can handle whatever comes.

Be methodical about your process. Create checklists, run through scenarios, expect challenges. This isn’t overthinking. It’s strategic preparation that transforms anxiety into assurance.

Always be prepared. It’s your fastest path from fear to confidence.

Simplicity rules

Here’s a list I made and stuck on my wall when I was in my 20’s, a long time ago. I think it came from a book but I couldn’t tell you which one:

Buy what you want, instead of what others say you want.
Think for yourself, instead of being told what to think.
Recognise that there are many things more important than money.
Fulfil the demands of work without being controlled by it.
Live in a way that is self-determined and original.
Talk less, think more.
Know what you want.
Not cost, but value.
Buy one, chuck one.
Organise your environment.

They still stand the test of time.

Some of these statements wash over us easily as hogwash when we’re in the eye of the storm, fighting daily fires, and getting mad at social media posts.

When we sit back, take a few deep breaths, and see the wood for the trees, the sense in these words hits hard.

Thoughts for January 2025

From Lee Crutchley’s book. On about the 25th re-read.

What are you going to create this year?

Whatever it is, put your heart into it.

If not, it really isn’t worth the effort.

Christmas holidays 2024

We had a great time in Tassie, walking the Overland Track over six days.

Near the end of the 65km track.

Stunning Australian scenery all the way.

The cards school – meeting nightly.

Day one. Not what we expected in the middle of summer.

An amazing experience.

All credit to Tasmanian Walking Company for the guides and delivering such a fabulous trip.

Maybe 12 days hiking in New Zealand coming next year…

Conferences get a ‘yes’

Showing up at a well-put-together conference and participating with a plan can be one of the best investments you can make in yourself.

You meet the right kind of people.

You learn something new.

You could make friends with like-minded people, who share the same interests as you.

I went to one this week with a plan to push the boundaries of introversion a little.

I thought about how I was going to approach the day and it worked out well.

I started a few conversations I would have ordinarily shied away from.

I stayed upbeat, enthusiastic, and open to anyone who wanted a chat.

I slowed down. Rather than tearing through the expo, I wandered around.

I saw more. I took it all in.

I’ve never been a conference fan. This experience, plus my attitude towards it, may have changed that.

Prepare for war in times of peace

No idea who said this but it always hits hard.

In peaceful times, we must get ready for hard times ahead.

Just like you pack an umbrella before it rains, it always pays to be prepared.

Make friends, work hard to keep them, save some money, and be a good person.

Don’t ever wait for trouble to show up. Get ready while things feel good.

The politics is a sideshow

So Trump and the republicans regain power.

Lots to ponder – and not all of it upbeat.

In the face of such a result for the world, it’s important to do what YOU need to do.

How can you help your community? Support those in your life who may be struggling, before or after the election.

What happened yesterday doesn’t have to change your ways. You have not changed fundamentally as a person because of this result.

You still have to do your thing, whatever that is.

Trump and his goons will lick their lips and make life a bit more tricky for those who oppose them.

But it’s worth remembering that the effect this will have on most of us right now is only a feeling.

Take action based on that feeling. Use it as a force for good.

If ever there was a time to prepare your own plans for the next few years, this is it.

Reset, set goals, and take action.

Great read on the world of media

These guys all have a story behind them.

The tycoons at the heads of the modern and historic media empires the world over are a story in themselves. This is that story.

From William Randolph Hearst to Elon Musk, this book demonstrates the power these people wield. For those who tried to get in their way it was never, or will never be, easy.

The Murdoch family takes up a lot of the pages with good reason. The havoc they are causing the world continues as the family navigates legal battles and infighting over ownership, whilst also trying to squeeze every last drop from the press titles it still owns.

I wouldn’t normally go for a book like this but it was great. Well written and interesting from start to finish. Highly recommend.

The difference between average and overachievement

Garnett at the peak of his powers, around 2008.

A quote from Kevin Garnett, ex-Celtics basketball leader, stood out in the Netflix show ‘Starting 5’:

“Stay humble, stay confident, stay on your craft.”

The humility keeps us grounded. We always move faster with our feet on the floor.

Confidence is the fuel our ambition needs to keep pushing forwards, no matter what we face.

I think the work on your craft, whatever that craft is, with the other two sprinkled into the mix, can be the difference between average and overachievement.

Changing the way we talk to ourselves

Physical self harm, at its most graphic and shocking, involves cutting the skin. Biting fingernails and the skin on the fingers until they bleed or deliver constant pain is a lot more subtle, but it’s the same thing. I do this latter version all the time.

(I wasn’t aware that it’s also a version of self harm, and came from the same ‘family’ of bad stuff we do to ourselves, until a few years back when I talked to a therapist about it. I’ve done it for as long as I can remember, all the way back to childhood.)

Mental self harm could be the way we talk to ourselves in light of whatever choices we make. It could be based on the way we spend our time, or the judgments we make about our behaviour in any circumstances.

Both types can benefit from treatment. Maybe the mental version leads to the physical version. (Of this, I’m not certain, but I suspect there is a strong link.)

They’re definitely both worth working on to remove them from your life.

I see the link between thoughts and actions. Everything starts with our thoughts – the good and the bad. Making an effort to use what we say to ourselves, how we talk to ourselves, as a force for good can be transformational.

Some simple daily reminders of this – triggers for changing the response to something bad, for example – are something I’ve been working on. They make a huge difference.

The plasticity of our brains – neuroplasticity – means that we can change the way we think, but it goes on the ‘too hard’ pile most of the time.

I used to see my brain as a hard drive that worked one way, and was impossible to alter. But this isn’t the case.

The effort to make these changes is never wasted. The consequences of a life spent suffering from self-inflicted pain are not what I want for the rest of my life.

Look into their eyes

Ran past a guy this morning who wanted to race. It only lasted a couple of hundred metres, but that was plenty. It got my heart racing. He wouldn’t let me pass without coming back at me, and credit to him for that. I’d be the same.

The pedal was pushed to the floor but I searched for another gear. After a few seconds of worry – that’s gonna hurt, have you got it in you? – I hit the red button as he tried to overtake again. It was all or nothing with about 600 metres left to the finish.

I looked around after 10-15 seconds to see if he was hanging on. All I could see were his eyes fixated on the ground. His posture was broken. His cadence wasn’t as steady or rapid as it had been. I knew he was done.

Tackle the hard stuff

The hard stuff you don’t want to do is the stuff you have to do.

I don’t know if there’s science to back this up. It tends to always be the case that when you break the back of the hard thing, other things topple over like dominos.

The comfort zone lures us in. The fear of failing that hard thing, being shown up for not achieving, leads to avoidance.

Or we just get lazy.

The benefits come when you take the task on.

You’ll grow. You’ll surprise yourself. Inner strength you didn’t know you have will turn up and say ‘Hi!’.

It can be simple stuff like starting conversations with strangers or hitting the gym.

Signing up for a college course can freak us out, and they are hard to fit into a busy life, but why not give yourself a chance to find some of that growth you’ve heard about?

Break the big task down, set some milestones, and put a red circle on your calendar on the end date – party time!

Get your squad together

Friends are important.

Alone, broke, no prospects, and the world will swallow you up faster than you can call for another pizza.

The size of your brain is not equal to the way your life goes.

It’s how you use that brain. It’s about who you hang around. What plans you make. The actions you take.

The people you lift up along the way are a sizeable part of it, too. It ALL matters.

A couple of bad steps can bring this lonely place closer than we would like.

Don’t be this person. Take the skills you have and develop them.

Use your brain, put a plan together, focus on making it work.

Stick to the course. Watch out for the luck we all need (that seems to pop up when you least expect it), get your squad around you, take the chances you get, put the pieces together, and deliver on the plan.

Get help if you need it, but most importantly, do the work. There’s no replacement for that.

On expertise

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Pick your one thing as early as you can and become an expert at it.

There’s an example I heard of a top tax lawyer being very happy with the way their life has worked out after a couple of decades or more working in a narrow, perceivably dull, area.

Go deep and narrow. There will always be good things going on there the longer you stay in the space, learning and evolving.

The tax lawyer will be satisfied at the end of their working days once they retire, financially secure, with a legacy earned from a raft of loyal clients.

They may have built their own practice or just be a well-known expert in the space in high demand.

Assume you can do this for yourself and work hard to achieve it in your space.

Hard work on hard things

Work on hard things. The payback for doing them is massive.

You’ll develop mental calluses.

Your brain will recognise what you’re doing and throw everything at you to put you off course.

The challenge is to fight the resistance and do it anyway.

Stay on the path you’ve set for yourself. Suffer a little.

You’ll gain strength and confidence from knowing you can do hard things.

Test your levels of courage, bravery, strength, or whatever you find hard right now.

Prove you can change. The benefits will flow.

Stop dreaming, start doing.

Completing those things that suck will always make you stronger.

Ways to be nice to yourself

Go sit in a church. Not for the religion unless that’s your thing. Meditate. Enjoy the silence. Feel safe.

Listen to an album. Listen to it, stop everything else. See where it takes you. Make some notes on the feelings you feel, plus anything else that pops up in your head.

A smell in the place you work. Coffee maybe, a candle, incense sticks. It gives you a sense that you’re in your space.

Buy something for yourself. A piece of clothing you like (rather than need). A t-shirt, maybe. A pen or a notebook. Don’t go crazy on price; it’s just a small token.

Watch a favourite movie. Spend the couple of hours totally into it. No other distractions.

Exercise. Even a dozen squats while you make a coffee is something. The more you can do, the better. Do whatever you can.

Treating yourself like someone special, someone who deserves to be treated well, will make you stronger.

You have a lot to give.

You’re valuable.

You deserve it.

Watch your words

Do you talk to yourself like someone you like, or someone you despise?

Do you cheerlead for yourself?

Are you constantly looking at the things you think and do like they’re the worst or the best?

Be nice in what you say, think, and do for yourself.

Don’t crap on yourself over and over again. Be nice.

Give yourself a chance to win, to grow.

Don’t hold yourself back by telling yourself that you’re bad at this, awful at that, a terrible person, a bad parent, and so on. This isn’t helping.

Sydney Marathon 2024

The last one for me. It was a great way to end it.